Coping with Miscarriage: A Guide to Healing and Support

Experiencing a miscarriage is a profound loss that can leave you feeling overwhelmed and alone. No matter where you are in your pregnancy journey, the grief and confusion can feel like you are navigating an emotional storm without a compass. I’ve been through this and want you to know your feelings are valid. There’s no right way to grieve, and it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. There are ways to cope, heal, and find support.

Understanding Miscarriage

A miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks and affects about 1 in 4 known pregnancies. While common, it’s deeply personal and painful. It’s crucial to know that miscarriage is not your fault—it often results from factors beyond your control, even with the best care or lifestyle choices.

What Happens Physically?

During a miscarriage, you may experience cramping, bleeding, and passing tissue, with recovery varying from person to person. Some people may have a miscarriage early in pregnancy, while others may experience it later, it is a deeply personal timeline and likely in comparable to another’s experience.

If you suspect a miscarriage, it’s crucial to reach out to a healthcare provider. While some miscarriages can happen naturally, others may require medical intervention.

Emotional Impact

The emotional toll of miscarriage can be as intense as the physical. Many feel deep loss, even if the pregnancy was quite early and you may find yourself mourning the loss of what could have been—the plans, hopes, and dreams that were attached to your pregnancy.

Please remember there is no single way to grieve, different emotional waves can hit you unexpectedly, so give yourself grace as you move through each one.

Miscarriage can also bring difficult conversations with loved ones or strangers, which may feel invasive. This is why having a strong support system to help you through both the physical and emotional aspects is important and allows you to navigate all aspects of your experience.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Grief is a deeply personal experience and there is no timeline. For some, the sadness may lift after a few days or weeks, while for others, it may take months or even longer. It’s important to permit yourself to grieve without placing expectations on how long it "should" take.

I found that the pressure to “move on” or“ get back to normal” too quickly only made things harder. When well-meaning friends or family would tell me to “stay strong” or “keep going,” I sometimes felt like I had to suppress my feelings to avoid burdening others. But the truth is, you don’t need to be strong all the time and it’s okay to take time to heal.

Embrace the Uncertainty of Your Emotions

One of the hardest aspects of miscarriage is the emotional unpredictability. You may find yourself feeling okay one moment and completely overwhelmed the next. This emotional rollercoaster can make you feel like you’re not in control of your feelings, which can be frustrating and disorienting.

What helped me during those times was acknowledging the emotions as they came. I let myself feel whatever I was experiencing at that moment—whether it was sadness, anger, or even relief. Emotions don’t follow a linear path, and that’s okay.

Seek Professional Support if You Need It

While reaching out to friends and family can provide comfort, there may come a time when professional support is beneficial. A therapist or counsellor who specialises in grief, trauma, or pregnancy loss can help you navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.

There is no shame in seeking help. It can be a powerful step toward healing. Sometimes, just having someone to listen—someone who understands what you’re going through—can be an incredible relief.

Don’t Be Afraid to Set Boundaries

It is important to set boundaries with others. People will want to offer support, but sometimes their words or actions may unintentionally cause more pain. It’s okay to let people know when you need space or when a particular comment isn’t helpful. You don’t need to explain your grief to anyone.

For me, there were moments when I felt overwhelmed by people asking if I was “feeling better” or giving unsolicited advice about how to “try again.” I learned that it was okay to politely let others know what I needed.

Physical Recovery and Managing the Miscarriage

While the emotional toll of miscarriage is often the most talked about, the physical recovery can be equally challenging. It’s not only the physical symptoms during the miscarriage itself but also the weeks or even months afterwards as your body heals. Understanding what to expect can help you navigate this process with a sense of control.

What to Expect During Your Recovery

The physical symptoms of a miscarriage can vary depending on how far along the pregnancy was. Initial signs may include cramping and bleeding, which can be like a heavy period. As the miscarriage progresses, some people pass tissue or clots. In some cases, medical intervention may be needed.

A few things that will help you manage your miscarriage at home:

• Plenty of pads – avoid using tampons as they are not recommended when experiencing a miscarriage
• Pain relief such as Panadol and Nurofen – if you need anything stronger, please talk with your health care provider
• A hot shower
• Heat pack or hot water bottle
• Snacks and water – you may not feel like eating, but make sure you keep your fluids up
• Babysitting for other children
• Comfortable clothes and a space to lay down
• A good Netflix series

When to Seek Medical Help

If you experience heavy bleeding (soaking through a pad in an hour), severe pain, or signs of infection (such as fever or foul-smelling discharge), it’s important to contact a healthcare provider immediately. These symptoms can indicate a need for medical intervention.

Some people may need a procedure like a D&C (dilation and curettage) to remove any remaining tissue. If this is suggested, it can be helpful to talk through the process with your doctor and understand what it involves.

Giving Your Body Time to Heal

While the physical healing may take a few weeks, it’s important to remember that your body may need more time than you expect. The hormones that supported the pregnancy can take time to return to normal, and it’s not uncommon for periods to be irregular after a miscarriage.

Hope for the Future

Though it may not feel like it right now, healing after a miscarriage is possible. The pain of loss may never fully go away, but over time, it becomes more manageable, and the sharp edges of grief begin to soften. One of the most important things I’ve learned through this experience is that grief doesn’t have an expiration date, and you are not defined by your loss. Allow yourself the space to heal at your own pace, and know that, eventually, you will find peace in the journey.

My final thoughts for anyone experiencing a miscarriage

• Be kind to yourself, remember It’s not your fault
• Allow yourself to cry and allow yourself to grieve your loss, no matter how early you miscarried
• Have more supplies on hand than you think you will need – especially pads
• Ask for help, even if it is someone to make you a cup of tea – don’t feel like you have to do it all
• Try not to take out your anger or frustration on your partner, they will be grieving the miscarriage to

The more we talk about miscarriage, the less taboo it becomes.

I am sorry for your loss

Alyssa x